Letters to Linda #1

Hey Lingy, 

I miss you. I keep looking back at old pictures. I was looking back at that trip when you visited me in Oregon and I took you up to some mountain to sled but instead we pulled over on the side of the road and went sledding on that cheap plastic orange sled down into the ditches. You saran wrapped your knee to keep the water out of the electric mechanism. So fucking classy!!! 

I try to say words that match this feeling but there is (are?) no amount of words that could be enough. If this feeling were sounds, it would be that ugly cry sound where you can’t breathe and you’re gasping for air. There’s so much I miss about you. I miss how you didn’t give a fuck. How you just knew what I meant without me explaining. I miss how you could go from serious to stupid in .01. I miss your laugh. You had this one laugh that was like a good deep belly laugh. Getting one of those was like getting a prize. Sometimes you would cough after. Then you had this other laugh that was more airy sounding. It sounded like short stomach contractions with more of a wheezing vibe. Ya know? Yes you know what I mean. You always knew what I meant.  

I also miss how you would say “what?” after pretending to be listening but not completely listening to whatever bullshit randomness I was telling you. I miss you. I miss you. If I keep saying it will it bring you back? I miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you times infinity and beyond. 

Besties forever,

Jess

I can't believe you're gone. I wish you were here. Or I was there.